Ah, it's now the time of the year known as the calm before the storm. In a few more weeks, (months if you're a slacker, any longer don't bother.) before the preparations for the great prelims start. And I'm not too excited about it, obviously. Anyway, the Terms are just over and amazingly I don't have to attend remedial for everything! LOL. It would really suck having remedial for every subject. But if you have lots to catch up, then I guess remedial would help to a certain the extent. The extent of which one cannot be certain of, even the certainty of which one is certain that the remedial would be helpful to any extent cannot be ascertained. I digress. But remedial is supposed to help, right...
So, today I must talk about something which has been annoying me for the past weeks. It's the share a tune on the bus syndrome. It's a chronic illness where the sufferers who have been living off Pedra Branca and haven't seen a handphone since forever, pick up one and much to their amazement realise it can generate noise too very much like the birds from the island they came from. And these sufferers are really pitiful. Having not used a handphone before, it's certainly normal to find out what great functions the device has. But having a brain and some common sense, they should realise that unlike the birds off Perdra Branca, we humans on the bus do not need to hear some awful techno song being blasted from the pathetic little speaker which is probably not designed to output sound at such a volume which probably explains the great distortion in the sound. And why techno? Why can't you play something more radio friendly? Or at least something more quiet? It certainly isn't my idea of entertainment to be onboard a bus at eight plus, jammed with many other passengers, with the aircon either too cold or not working and having some clown(s) in the seat(s) behind me legs propped up against the back of my seat playing some shit music and talking in such loud voice(s) that even my ck9 cannot possibly isolate. And being the nice Singaporeans that most of the passengers are, we respect these deprived individuals and choose not to tell them to stfu in their faces. So we be all nice and courteous about it, shooting them the look every now and them, attempting to communicate the idea of bus etiquette to them. But no those idiots just don't get it do they. So, I've decided to post a list of dos and don'ts here just in case those fellas discover the Internet in the near future and maybe chance upon this space and learn how they should behave aboard the bus.
Nofing's guide to commuting on Singapore's public transport.
For buses:
As long as it is a public bus and not lim peh's (your father's) bus, treat it as public property. That means keep that pen knife/marker/screw driver/wrench away from the bus seats. If you've a screw loose, taking one more screw from the bus seat won't help. And don't proclaim your undying love for someone on the bus seat. The person would never find out and it shows how bloody atrocious your English is. We have Design and Technology (D&T) in school for a reason. It's to keep you from taking your carpentry to the bus.
Next, since it's a public bus, there are other individuals in the bus known as strangers to you. For that reason, don't talk so loudly on the bus so as to maintain the status quo of strangers. There is no need for anyone but yourself to know why Ah Hui left you for another girl, or whether you should pon (skip) school tomorrow to go to K (An entertainment outlet-Karaoke.)
Thirdly, much as loud voices are not tolerated on the bus, so are loud ringtones and music. If you're using stock iBuds (aka cheap white apple earphones), please go change them. You're not hearing your music because it's leaking out and now everyone but yourself can hear Jolin Tsai or Metallica or whatever it is you're listening to. If you for some reason have no earphones and really need to listen to your music, blaring it from the in built speakers is not an option. We already have TV mobile on board and it's bad enough therefore please don't add to it. Rather, position the speaker to your ear as if you're having a conversation and play the music softly. Granted it's not stereo so take your khaki's phone and place it against your other ear. Ok, it's dual mono but who cares?
Fourthly, for those trishaw riders/coffeeshop uncles wannabes, the bus is not your trishaw/coffeeshop. That means no propping up of legs against the back of the seat in front of you. Sounds confusing? Never mind, it means just keep your feet on the ground. However, if you insist, then when boarding bus, and there're two two empty rows of seats one behind the other, take the one behind so that the seat in front is unoccupied and you can prop your legs up until someone seats down. So we have a formula here. For all leg proppers out there. Let N be the seat you want to sit on, where N>1, and take the N+1 seat. If the N+1 seat does not exist or is occupied, it means you have to take the N seat and you cannot prop up your legs unless the N-1 seat is vacated. It's really simple right? Don't prop your legs up and save yourself the Maths.
Fifthly, as mentioned earlier, the bus is public property and not your second home. (The second home is your school not the bus.) That means no lying down to sleep on the bus. This especially applies during peak hours when the buses are packed and you're the sleepy asshole occupying 2 seats. It only serves to piss the other passengers off so much so that they will block your way and prevent you from alighting.
Ok, that must be about all for buses. For trains, well since I don't take it often, it means 2 things. 1, I don't know all the nonsense people do on trains. Most importantly, I don't encounter it often enough so I'm not too affected by it. So, I'll leave the train guide to later.
Alright, that must be all for now. Until next time, please do keep the bus rules in mind.
